


The Start of a Long Journey...

by zibal_01



Category: Holby City
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: S13E35 All About Me, M/M, Pre-Slash, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-18
Updated: 2011-06-18
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:09:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zibal_01/pseuds/zibal_01





	The Start of a Long Journey...

The Start of a Long Journey...

Antoine Malick shook his head in disbelief at Dan Hamilton's reaction to seeing him.Dan had seemed to forget he was the one who had made the first move.Dan had kissed him - it was hardly Malick's fault that he had reacted.It was a good kiss - in fact, it was a great kiss, full of fire and passion.Malick couldn't help it if he wanted more...

Now, though, Dan was avoiding him.The kiss he had witnessed between Dan and Chrissie had been lacklustre to say the least.No spark, no fire, absolutely no passion whatsoever.

Then there had been the operation.Dan had behaved like a total jerk.This time Malick had been the one doing the pinning to the locker - but there was no kiss- just angry words.Dan had been close to kissing Malick but Malick had walked away with a passing remark about Chrissie getting hurt - and neither man wanted that to happen.

Drinks for Sacha's birthday followed their shift. They tried to keep things amicable, but Dan's revelation about two previously broken engagements had given Malick all the ammunition that he needed to help Dan to realise that being with Chrissie was not right for him, and that he was trying to live a lie.

But then, after words, the knock on his door had taken Malick by surprise.Opening the door, he found a confused and teary Dan Hamilton.

"Chrissie finished with me," he mumbled. Malick stepped aside, allowing Dan to enter his flat.He directed Dan into the living room and poured him a stiff drink.Malick remained silent, waiting for Dan to speak. "She said Polly had made a comment about us, and that I am gay.And, she's right, you know.I am gay. I don't know why it has taken me so long to admit and accept it, but I have to be honest with myself before I could be honest with anyone else."

"So why are you here?" Malick asked softly.

Dan stared at Malick in disbelief.How could he ask that?Didn't he know how Dan felt about him?Wasn't it obvious?"Because I'm attracted to you..."There, the cat was out of the bag, and Dan couldn't take it back - even if he wanted to.Which he didn't.He needed Malick and what Malick could offer him.

"At last," Malick exclaimed, "he finally admits it.I know how you feel," Malick's tone was slightly menacing, "now what are you gonna do about it?"

Dan dropped his head into his hands, unsure what to do, unsure what he wanted, what he could do.Finally, he spoke in a murmur, "I don't know, Malick.I don't know."He sounded so lost it was all Malick could do to stop himself taking him in his arms and holding him.It would be so easy to take advantage of Dan, so easy to take him to his bed and add another notch to his bedpost, but he couldn't.If he wanted some kind of relationship with Dan, he needed to take it slowly, be gentle, so as not to scare him off.Dan was new to this... didn't know what he wanted, what he liked, what he needed.Malick knew that Dan needed him to guide him, ease him through the early stages of his newly admitted homosexuality.

"I... I've never even experimented," Dan's comment drew Malick from his thoughts."I couldn't allow myself to.It was a weakness that I had to hide, to bury deep inside me.Two broken engagements were my attempts at normality."Dan was openly sobbing now.Malick had to do something.He couldn't sit by and watch Dan suffering like this.Moving slowly, Malick crossed to where Dan was sitting.Cautiously, he wrapped an arm around Dan's shoulders, tightening his grip when Dan turned his face into Malick's neck.Malick could feel the warm dampness of Dan's tears on his neck, Dan's warm breath, the smell of Dan's aftershave and he knew, really knew, that he was falling for Dan Hamilton- and he had no idea how to prevent it, or if he really wanted to...

*****

Dan Hamilton was crying into the side of Antoine Malick's neck.Why he had come to Malick was as much a mystery to him as to why he was attracted to Malick.But, something drew him to Malick, so it was time to pull himself together, and face the man now holding him.He disentangled himself from Malick's hold, wiped his sleeve across his face, then took a deep breath.Finally, he lifted his head to meet Malick's eyes - and froze.He had expected to see contempt, maybe even pity.Dan certainly didn't expect to see sympathy, caring and understanding.Stunned, Dan remained silent.

"I was twelve when I realised that I was gay," Malick commented, unprompted."I hid it for a number of years, confused, ashamed... Eventually, when I was fourteen, I came out to my mother.She knew - two years of trying to hide who I was, and my mum already knew.So did my dad.Neither cared that I was attracted to boys not girls, so long as I was happy.When I first took a boyfriend home, nothing changed. I lost my virginity under their roof - while they were downstairs..."

"Why are you telling me this?" Dan's confusion was evident.

"I was lucky.My parents were understanding, supportive.But, I've met plenty of gay men whose parents disowned them... threw them out if their home..." Malick shook his head.The way some people treated their kids disgusted him - made him the angry young black man that he was."I've seen how difficult coming out can be.I expect your family had your life all planned out... good school, medical school, pretty nurse, kids... All the time you knew it wasn't going to happen, but you couldn't tell them without shattering their dreams.Right?"

"Yes," Dan muttered."How did you know?"

"I've seen it all before, Dan," Malick replied ruefully."I'm here for you.I want you to know that.Also," Malick hesitated, "I am attracted to you, but I don't want to pressurise you into anything, rush you.I need you to be sure that I am what you are looking for, that you are sure about your sexuality."

"I am sure, Malick," Dan confirmed. "I've never been more sure about anything.I want you... your fire, your passion.Our kiss had something that I've never experienced before.Every nerve in my body felt as though it had electricity flowing through it.I was so... so aroused by it.I know I ran off, but I was scared by how the kiss made me feel, how much I wanted you. I won't beg..."

Malick considered this.If Dan really did want to be with him, then Malick was willing to give in to his feelings."I won't be your dirty little secret.I don't mind giving us a few months to see if we're going to work out, but then I want to be able to go public.Is that ok?"

"I think so," Dan murmured, "but I won't really know until the time comes.It's unchartered waters for me.I really, really hope so, but no promises."Dan placed a chaste kiss on Malick's lips, the electricity flowing even though it was the gentlest of touches."What do we do now?"

"That, Daniel Hamilton, is entirely up to you. We take things at a pace you're comfortable with... don't do anything you're not ready for.But, I want you, Dan.Have done since I first set eyes on you."This admission surprised Dan.He had never even realised that Malick had had feelings for him since they had met... that Malick had been fighting his attraction for as long as Dan had. The attitude, the arrogance, the arguments, all signs of something more, something deeper that they both needed.

"Can I stay tonight?" Dan asked."I don't want to do anything, just sleep in your arms, be held by you."

There was such hope in Dan's voice that to say no would have been akin to kicking a puppy.He stood, holding his hand out for Dan to take before leading him to the bedroom.  
 


End file.
